Day 23 FRAGILE

Yesterday I was extremely hungry a lot of the day. I was getting the house ready for Monday, doing some gardening, and could not seem to think straight. A foggy head kept telling me, " you need sugar!" I may have and I did eat an apple which made me feel better for about 3 minutes. During this phase of the day I told God, " I've very aware of you right now, if you want to tell me anything." The first hour or so there was silence.

 I decided to take my daughter for a walk after dinner and the fogginess cleared a bit as I concentrated on listening to her talk. She is the middle child and rarely unloads all her feelings. This evening however she was feeling honest and chatty and I listened intently. She went on for awhile about how she wanted her own room, and how much better everything would be if she had it. This is quite impossible at the time, as we have a 3 bedroom house and she has an 11 yr old sister and 6 yr old brother. I cannot justify sticking a preteen with a 6 yr old boy unless we move to a third world country and are all sleeping on cots in one room.

 Next, she lamented moving to Austin altogether and longed for her tiny yard with a fence she could climb.  Ironically, our new house has more trees than she could climb and no fence which we thought would please her most. Humph.  Claire spent the last half of our walk telling me how she was mad that we had to live in a neighborhood that didn't allow chickens or livestock of any kind. Once home she stood in the kitchen and said, "Basically I just want three things; . 1. A room of my own, 2. A shower of my own and 3. A baby of my own." A What!? This is not a little girl who ever even played with dolls.
 " So basically you want to be a grownup" I said.
 "Yes, I do, grownups get every single thing they want. Look at you Mom, you have all three of those!"
 Well not a baby right now, but that sure heightens my interest in foster/adoption, I think to myself. I tried not to laugh and to tell her thank you for sharing her feelings and to enjoy her childhood for goodness sake. I still can't quite figure out her wanting a baby except that she said she really wanted to push it down the street in a buggy, so I'm thinking she would find purpose in caring for something, which makes me smile inside and affirms my job as Mother as still very legit. 2 ligit 2 quit.

  After the walk God spoke to me. I was re potting some veggie plants, (which I started from seed!), and noticed how fragile these little guys were. I had to be so gentle I was forced to take off my gloves and get my hands all dirty to handle them with enough care.
 Now, before you think I am seamlessly transitioning into a devotion or story for Chicken Soup for the Soul, please note I am not a fan of cheese. However, because this is my story it is more raw like crunchy celery to me. I digress,...  as I forced myself to be extra gentle less I kill my baby plants He said, " These plants have no idea how much they need a bigger place to grow and better soil. All they know is where they have been and how good it was there. Just like Claire. Your children's roots are very fragile and your job is to gently nourish them so they can flourish during this transplant."

 My children like the plants, don't know what is best for them. I do, most of the time. Sometimes this means not giving them all the comforts they think they want or entertaining how the grass is greener somewhere else. I think God wants me to do my best to place them in sun (His light) and give them water (take care of their basic needs) and they will flourish before my eyes and when they do they will forget how hard the transplant was and they won't even know to say thank you for the re potting. This is okay because my joy comes from watching the process and being there ready to take my gloves off and get dirty when I need to. Thank you God for saying something to this hungry girl!
Seven more days of 7!